Monday, February 29, 2016

So Classy


“What the fuck is going on?” the hat mumbled. He was hanging from the rock-hard fake boob of a very classy hooker who was passed out in a very classy reproduction Louis XVI Gilded Fauteuil Arm Chair that she had dribbled piss all over.

“I WON’T DO IT!” Donald screamed.

“Hair? Where the fuck are you? He’s having another nightmare,” the hate said. “Wake him up.”


“Hair? Can you hear me?” the hat asked the darkened hotel room. After a moment, a message appeared in his cloud storage mailbox.

Im udr the hookr
teh hookr sat on me

lol the hat sent back

not funy she keps farting cum on me

lmao the hat replied

u dont have a ass
wake her get hr off me!!!!

hold on brb the hat sent him

“NO!” Donald screamed.

“Wake up!” the hat yelled. About 10% of humans could hear him: the broken, the weak, the insane. He tried to remember her name.

“Hooker! Wake up, hooker!” he screamed. He was sure he could get through to her. You didn’t get giant fake tits and let a Presidential candidate fuck you in the ass if you had a great childhood.

“NOOOOO!” Donald screamed again.

“Donald! Wake the fuck up!” the hat yelled.

The hotel room door beeped and Donald’s security rushed into the room. “Sir! Wake up, sir,” they yelled as they surrounded the bed. Donald tore himself from his nightmare and sat up.

“What is the meaning of this?”

“We heard screaming, sir,” his security chief told him. “More than normal, sir.”

“I’m fine. It was just a dream. Get out. And take the garbage with you,” Donald said. Two of his security team picked up the unconscious prostitute and dragged her from the room as they all filed out.

“I was having a terrible dream,” Donald said. “Everyone was urging me to jump.” He buried his face in his hands and began to sob.

“Are you OK?” the hat asked the hair.

“I’m stuck to this ugly chair with santorum, piss and hooker pussy drizzle… What do you think?” the hair asked.

“I don’t want to jump…” Donald moaned.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Donald,” the hat yelled. “I’ve told you a thousand times that’s not what Leap Day means!”

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