Friday, June 19, 2009

Count Warty Interrupt

"Have mercy, sirrah," Dagny begged, looking up at the shadowed face of the debauched Count Warty, "me bumhole is frightful sore and spattered." Tears tracked trails in the dirt of her urchin face.

Count Warty leaned over and spat into her open mouth. "You will do as a I say, bumwhore," he growled. His monocle fell from his one unruined eye and dangled, glittering in the flickering light from the coal gas streetlamps.

Dagny pulled up the hem of her tattered dress, exposing a dark thatch of damp pubic hair the size of a velocipede's seat. Count Warty reared back from the smell. He gestured with his cane for her to turn around, his tumescence already outlined against the fine cut of his trousers.

For jester

Barney's cleft palate folds upwards as he wheezes and gulps Rahm's hot-sagging balls into his sinuses. Nancy plays the frantic chicken while Dianne tries to tie her enormous labia around a touch lamp. Flickering on and off and dim and bright as it shakes back and forth, the lamp shows in a slow strobe Rahm struggling to break free of Barney's gagging embrace. Rahm shits a frightened little turd on Barney's neck. Barney, startled and finally erect, kicks out at a squawking Nancy who is masturbating furiously with a loofah sponge attached to a cordless drill. Her leg shatters like a cheap epiphany.

"an act so heinous that it defies one’s ability to describe it"

Homosexual behavior is a ground for divorce, an act of sexual misconduct punishable as a crime in Alabama, a crime against nature, an inherent evil, and an act so heinous that it defies one’s ability to describe it. That is enough under the law to allow a court to consider such activity harmful to a child. To declare that homosexuality is harmful is not to make new law but to reaffirm the old...

-Roy Moore

The doorknob rattled on his office door. A voice from the hall said, "Roy, you in there? I got it. Open up."

Roy locked his desk and then stood. He smoothed down his judicial robes and went to the office door. A hulking figure loomed on the other side of the frosted glass. "Is it you?" he asked. "Of course it's me," the figure said, "who the fuck you think it was?"

Roy open the door and snatched the paper sack out of Billy's hand as soon as he was through. The T-shape of the gavel dildo tumbled out of the torn sack and bounced under his desk. As Roy reaches for it his robe rides up. He is naked underneath. Billy watches Roy's anus pucker, like an eye shutting out the sight of Billy's growing erection.

When Roy stands--the lint-covered dildo in hand--Billy is already dropping his over-alls to the floor. Billy juggles his testicles while pinching the head of his penis and Roy moans. He drops his own robes to the floor and starts to lick the dildo clean.

"I gotta take shit, Roy, but don't you go weak sister on me. You give it to me but good." Billy crossed and bent over the desk. He spread his flabby white ass open for Roy and farted almost silently.

Roy inserted the gavel-dildo in his own anus and waddled toward Billy. Roy felt ready to come as soon as the tip of his glans first brushed the pimples dotting Billy's perineum. The perfume of Billy's colon almost drove Roy mad.

"Why don't we try drinking rats' milk and dogs' milk?"

You don't have to be high to fuck a one-legged crazy chick, just adventurous. What do you think? Leg on or off? Switch it up all the time? Or did she have a special fucking leg she put on for just those occasions? Maybe a silicone leg with a few back-up vaginas up and down its length. Or maybe a reinforced model to hang her up from... leg, sling, and pleasure swing all in one. You think he wished it was the other leg that was gone, or maybe both so she could use him as a pogo stick?

Or maybe he didn't need the fake leg at all. Maybe she had a fuckhole drilled out in the stump for him. Paul could go down on it for hours while she farted up a storm as only a celebrity vegan can. Maybe the marriage wasn't a mistake at all, maybe he'd go through the whole divorce again just to stick his cock in that sweet, sweet legcunt and fuck the bone marrow out of her one more time.