He pressed his finger against Hillary’s lips. “Hush up, girl. You know I got the media wrapped around my dick. Them bitches ain’t sayin’ nothing unless I tell them to.”
“You don’t have to act tough around me, Barry. I know they worry you.” Hillary lifted her hips and pulled down her giant panties. Barry took them from her and licked the crotch with long strokes.
“Yummy. You’ve been using that lavender pussy soap I sent you.” He smelled the panties in long huffs, like he was trying to snort them into his sinuses.
“Barry, be serious for just a minute, OK? And stop talking like ghetto trash. You’re a Harvard educated lawyer.” Hillary shifted her gunt to one side and began tugging on her inner labia. The cabin began to fill with her menopausal scent, dead roses and medicated cream.
“I thought you liked it when I talked all street,” he whined, sounding like a surf bum. He scratched at the seam of his scrotum.
Hillary sank a finger into herself and grimaced. “Hand me the lube, dear. I’m as dry as dick skin down there.” He leaned over and handed the tube to her.
“Don’t I get you wet?” Barry asked. He absently wiped a single pearl of pre-ejaculate from the head of his engorged glans and tasted it. “Oh, baby. You’ve got to try this. I’ve been eating pineapple all week like you said and it’s delicious.”
“I’ve been with Bill all weekend. Nothing kills my pussy like having to listen to his condescending drawl.”
“You want to watch a little porn first?” he asked.
“A little interracial butt stuff, maybe? See what you can find.” She kept tugging and lubing as he clacked away at the keyboard.
“BBC anal schoolgirl gangbang surprise?” he read. “Or maybe ‘Nigger cock petite training first time anal girl?’”
“Preview that last one,” she said, leaning forward.
“Can’t I just click it?”
“No, just hover the cursor over it. Jesus, it’s like you’ve never porned before.”
“Michelle doesn’t let me,” Barry admitted. “She says that if I want a big black cock, I can just suck hers.”
“I don’t know why you married that hideous shemale.”
“I didn’t have a choice. She said she was pregnant and didn’t want an abortion.”
Hillary smacked him across the face, leaving a shiny smear of lube.
“What was that for?” he whined, cradling his offended cheek.
“That’s for being an idiot. How you beat me in 2008 I will never fucking understand.”
“People were tired of the Bush and Clinton families forging political dynasties,” Barry said automatically.
“Did you get that off of the back of a cereal box?” she sneered.
“What do you mean?” Barry asked.
Hillary raised her hand to slap him again, but the door burst open before she could strike. A dozen Secret Service agents flooded into the cabin, weapons drawn.
“The perimeter has been breached!” the lead agent screamed, hurtling himself at the two of them. He landed on Hillary with a wet thud, smashing her pendulous breasts beneath him. He screamed “Protect the President’s erection!” A burly agent dropped his submachine gun and began jacking Barry off with a furious determination. The other agents fired their weapons out of the open cabin door until their magazines were empty.
Deafened by the fusillade, Barry yelled “What is the threat?”
“Raccoon, sir! Looked rabid. Or maybe racist,” the lead agent reported, yelling into Hillary’s breasts.
“Get off me, you idiot!” she said, pushing him away. The agents filed quickly out of the cabin.
“Sir, please resume illicit sexual relations!” the lead agent announced as he did his best to shut the battered cabin door behind him.
“Aren’t they just the best?” Barry asked no one. Hillary slapped him again.