The Loneliness of the Middle-Distance Runner's Asshole
Harry turned the lock on his door as quietly as he could and was rewarded with a muted click. It was lunch time and the interns we deep in the bowels of the Rayburn building, swapping pudding cups and STDs. Harry stepped out of his shoes and Haggar slacks and slipped off his shirt. He was naked underneath, except for drooping socks, bunched around his ankles like dark blue foreskins. He carefully placed both pants and shirt on padded hangers and zipped them into a wardrobe travel case.
All 342 pages of the PATRIOT act sat on his desk, fresh from the copier, warm from its light and smelling of fresh toner. He sat in his overstuffed leather chair, a present from Nancy, and placed his feet on the edge of the desk and leaned way back. He groped for the stack of papers. He crumbled the first page tightly and inched it slowly into his gaping anus. With a sigh of pleasure his forced the page back out and it bounced away when it hit the floor. He crumbled, inserted, and defecated another, and then another.
By the time the interns got back from lunch, Harry was a hundred pages in and already thinking about which one of them would lick him clean when he was finished.
Way to make me wish Al Gore had never invented the internet, SugarFree. -Xeones
This is why "Should we ban SugarFree?" is a permanent agenda item during the weekly Reason editorial staff meeting.
Postmodern Graphically Erotic Grand Guignol -Art-P.O.G.
I would recommend never reading anything he writes, without a barf bag nearby. -Marshall Gill
...depraved fiend... -P Brooks
Holy shit! You read the whole thing!?!? I almost shit my pants and tossed my dog through the window in a fit of insanity just from reading small bits of it! -Naga Sadow
I may never masturbate again. -Warty
SugarFree, you need help. -R C Dean
When I'm appalled, you know NutraSweet has gone too far. -Episiarch And we're worried about Iran getting the bomb? Dear god, this kind of slashfic in the wrong hands....I don't want to think about the consequences. -JW
You deserve to be a broken husk for the rest of your life for your libido-nuking fanfic. -tarran
I will gouge out my orbits and dump Dermabond in the resultant sockets. -Groovus Maximus I'm sending you my therapy bills. -Xeones
Just when I think there is nothing you can do to horrify me, you take it to 11. -Dagny T.
In all the foulest bowels of the internet, this is the worst thing I've ever read.
Is it bad that reading this has been the best part of my day so far?
You are one sick motherfucker.
I just threw up in my mouth. And not a little, I'm talking pea soup scene from The Exorcist.
My god you are one depraved...I hesitate to call you human.
LOL, aint it the truth! TOo funny dude!
Thanks SF, you have reconfirmed my faith in human depravity. Your power to repulse is beyond measure. -Marshall Gill
I'm not sure whether to orgasm or vomit. -Anonymous
THIS is why there are no female libertarians.
-BuSub Agent It's a shame we can't drop you on Pakistan. -Tim I think the internet just broke. -fishbane What the fuck are you trying to do!! Get everyone sickened? -Naga Sadow
What do I have to do to get on your testimonials board? Suck your cock? Well I have a liter of Jagermeister, so I might consider it. Warty will be jealous but fuck him. -Troy Lee Messer
You are truly disturbed, SugarFree. We wouldn't have it any other way. -The Art-P.O.G.
This is the worst sentence I've ever read. -Warty
Each time your stomach lurches while reading his lurid prose, America is slightly freer.