Friday, July 30, 2010

A SugarFree Special Report: A Growing Menace

There have been a few vague reports coming in from the blogosphere. The sources claim that there is more than one Paul Krugman. The thesis is that no one person could be as much of a hack and willful idiot as Krugman on so many issues simultaneously. He appears to to be the stopped clock that managed to stop on a time of day it never will be again.

So a chilling theory has been posited: There is more than one Krugman! Public records have been thoroughly searched and there is no evidence of multiple births from the medical files of the broke-tooth whore that bore him. And, of course, there has been rampant speculation on who or what Krugman's father(s) were, but none have ever been conclusively identified.

This suggests a monstrous possibility... Krugman is some form of contagious disease. Close contact with a Krugman--a bite or shared by-line perhaps--turns you into a Krugman, halving your IQ and stimulating the worship of the gibbering idiot-god Keynes.

-If you see a Krugman near you, flee the area immediately. If confronted by a Krugman, kill it with fire if you can. Head shots do nothing, there is nothing there to damage.

-If a Krugman bites you, disinfect the wound immediately and seek medical attention.

-Keep a close eye on on your companions. If you see signs of one of them becoming a Krugman, remember that they no longer are the person you knew--the person you knew is dead. Kill them at once and burn the body and all clothes and bed-linens.

Remain vigilant my friends and we may survive the greatest threat the human race has ever seen.

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